WEEKEND WITH HONEY - a new comedy series being slated for the Fallofftheshelf Line Up - to prove that the writer has plenty of material - here is just a little bit of what occured on one weekend - not so long ago - shall we call it:

xena:  so this weekend - billy was in the mood to "change things a bit"  
chance:  yes
xena:  i went down saturday early to start my project for class and figured i would finish it today  
xena:  but nope  
xena:  he comes down  
xena:  in his "outfit" with his dockers and his gold chain - his weekend jewelry  
chance:  hashaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
xena:  and he says - so you think we have another tv in the workroom?  
xena:  i say yes we do  
xena:  he says what is it from  
xena:  i said from the store  
xena:  so the first box has the old chandelier  
xena:  the second box from the Bose is empty THROW THE FUCKING BOX OUT i am saying to myself  
xena:  he says i think i will throw this box out  
xena:  TA DUM  
chance:  haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
xena:  in the last box - there it is - a color tv  
xena:  another one  
xena:  i say - there it is - but it will not fit into the wall unit - in the basement  
xena:  he says yes it will - i said - it is too deep we will have to take off the back of the unit  
xena:  he says nope -   
chance:  you mean you had a color tv you didnt know about
xena:  who is right  
chance:  you are
xena:  yes we had a tv that we were "saving for the wall unit downstairs and YUP i am right  
xena:  he says - it is okay it is bottom heavy - i said so am i but i still do not stay on the shelf  
chance:  hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
chance:  you are a riot
xena:  so he laughs - and we bring out the tv - we both have to lift it and we put it in the unit and TA DUM - it is three inches deeper than the unit - he says - it wont fall - i said - but it cant be right up against the teak - he says - oh  
xena:  soooooooooooooo now we will take off the back of the unit   
xena:  like i said  
xena:  and then we will MOVE THE WHOLE WALL UNIT to the other side of the room  
xena:  and set it up  
xena:  as i have wanted to but i got mixed reviews  
xena:  AND then  
chance:  yes
xena:  are you ready - we werent finished  
xena:  and so it is now 3 PM and i still havent done ANYTHING but yet  
chance:  keep going
xena:  i tell him - okay - while you are home - there is one chair that i cannot move myself - that is the big pink chair that is in the library -   
xena:  i want it up in the janet zone  
xena:  so he says - NO PROBLEM  
chance:  i am hysterical 
xena:  now i have moved every farking piece of furniture in this house by myself  
xena:  EVERY PIECE no lie  
chance:  i know that
xena:  including the walls hahaaaaaaaaaaa  
chance:  because you are WOMAN and billy is man 
xena:  so he takes the legs and i grab the back of the chair which has nothing to hold onto and the material is slippery   
xena:  so - the material is slipping and he says to me - did you want to stop on each stair tread and i said - yes that would be a good idea - but why dont you just push the chair up the stairs and i will guide it   
xena:  SO we get it up the stairs - we get it down the hallway  
xena:  and start to put it in the room and WAIT  
xena:  the chair is too wide for the door  
xena:  WAY TOO WIDE  
chance:  hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
xena:  and he is moaning - do i have to take the door off  
xena:  i said noooooooooooooooooooo  
xena:  we can do this  
xena:  turn it and stand it up on its end and then we can get it into the room  
xena:  he said - no it will not work   
xena:  i said yes it will but does he listen to me  
xena:  no  
chance:  he should know not to argue with you
xena:  sooooooooooooo for 12 hours the chair sat in the hallway - blocking the doorway to the guest room  
xena:  i said leave it there - i will just sit in the chair and check the guests in from there  
xena:  and this way people can wait to use the bathroom sitting IN THE CHAIR IN THE HALLWAY BLOCKING THE DOOR!
chance:  hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa was it supposed to get smaller sitting there?
xena:  does this make sense?  
chance:  yes it does
xena:  nooooooooooooooo so today - ohhhhhhhhhhh today it was a pisser  
xena:  he decides to put in the cable modem - but first - FIRST we have to move MORE FURNITURE  
xena:  MORE   
xena:  the bookcase and the smaller piece next to the desk  
xena:  and what happens - i am taking all the books and records out - i am making sure everything is safe  
xena:  and i hear a crash  
chance:  i am afraid to ask
xena:  HE decides to move the bookcase by himself while my back is turned and he crashes into the shelves which have glass candle holders and the kids things  
xena:  oooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhnoooooooooooo   
xena:  sooooooooooooooo i go and get a baggie to put the glass in  
xena:  and i tell him to PLEASE CEASE FROM ANY MOVEMENT  
xena:  so he steps away and i take everything out of HARMS way and take everything down and the shelves now have to come down and he says - that he will need his drill to make the cable hole bigger because I JUST HAD IT SEALED OVER FROM THE PAINTERS   
xena:  and the whole hook-up is in the JANET ZONE  
chance:  hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
xena:  am i happy? more dust more drilling  
xena:  soooooooooooo he goes downstairs meanwhile i get my screwdriver and start taking out the screws holding up the shelves and he says - what are you doing with the little screwdriver  
xena:  i say - taking out the screws  
xena:  he says - you need a bigger one this is too slow  
xena:  i said - i have one to go   
chance:  hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
xena:  i am NOT too slow  
xena:  and you should kiss the ground i am walking on because NO ONE HAS A WIFE LIKE YOU DO  
xena:  and he sighs and says oh yes  
xena:  and i said - THAT BETTER BE A GOOD OH YES  
xena:  and he rolls his eyes and says I AM ROLLING MY EYES and i make him laugh  
xena:  so  
chance:  haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
xena:  then the bookcase needs to be moved and he starts moving it and i say - TAKE IT SLOW he says I GOT IT  
xena:  and then CRASH  
xena:  right into the FAN AND THE LIGHT FIXTURE  
chance:  hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa oh my god
xena:  i say WHAT ARE YOU DOING  
xena:  he says moving this  
xena:  I SAID STOP PLEASE so he moves it again - thinking he is getting it out of the way  
xena:  and what happens?  
xena:  this time the fan and the fan fixture are now hanging off kilter from the ceiling  
xena:  and i just start laughin  
xena:  i said - look at this -   
xena:  so we step outside in the hallway - and there you can readily see that the fan is out of the ceiling AND the light fixture is crooked - and he says - it is A LITTLE OUT OF WHACK - i say A LITTLE?  
xena:  so then i say - leave it just leave it alone - i will take care of it when i want to  
xena:  and when YOU ARE NOT HOME  
xena:  hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa  
chance:  my eyes are tearing from laughing
xena:  then we have to push the cable through the wall - he says i cant find the hole - i said go into the janet zone - and i will show you where the cable is from this side  
xena:  he goes in and says i cant see it - i tell him - the flashlight is on my nightstand - because of the blackouts we have been having  
xena:  get the flashlight and shine it into the hole and i will see it and push the cable through  
xena:  he does and i do  
xena:  and whoo
xena:  and whoosh - then i tell him - get in the computer room and i will tend to things in the janet zone  
xena:  but he has to hook up the four way splitter or such and it is on so tight that he needs his special pliers   
xena:  and i go potty  
xena:  by the time he comes back - i have already vaccummed up the mess  
xena:  and he is finished then with the cable and ready READY TO DO THE TWO EASY STEPS  
xena:  so he inserts the first disc - NOTHING  
xena:  the second disc NOTHING  
xena:  the first again   
xena:  NOTHING  
xena:  the second disc NOTHING  
xena:  he then starts whining - this happens only to me - i am the only one in this world that this shit happens to - everyone else always has it easy except me -everyone else has an easy time of EVERYTHING
xena:   ENUF i said WHINER  
xena:  you and jason and lee are just whiners  
xena:  holly and i are sick of this sick i tell you sick sick sick  
xena:  whiney boyz just whiney boyz   
chance:  hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
xena:  get your acts together OR ELSE  
xena:  if i had know you were a whiner i wouldnt have had kids either  
xena:  and then he looks at me and says i am going in for a shower with his head hanging down saying- then i will phone COMCAST   
xena:  and he is whining still  
xena:  and so  
xena:  he goes in to the shower  
xena:  and i follow  
xena:  and i say  
xena:  whiner   whiner whiner nanny nanny boo boo
xena:  what else are you going to whine about today  
xena:  and i make him a little bit happier but still he is pouting  
xena:  his thundercloud look  and he thows WATER ON ME and starts laughing.finally
xena:  and then he FINALLY CALLS COMCAST  
xena:  and what is it?  
xena:  not a problem  
xena:  the woman who sold us the equipment - couldnt call in the serial number - it was too late - WE HAD TO to register with comcast so that THEY could log us on  
xena:  then  
xena:  one  
xena:  two   
xena:  not even three -   
xena:  we are UP AND RUNNING  
xena:  and i said - are you going to whine somemore  
xena:  and he starts laughing  
xena:  and then says - i need to go sit down  
xena:  and he laughs more  
xena:  and then  
xena:  TA DUM  
xena:  the end of the story  
xena:  for now  
xena:  to be continued when i assess the damage he has done to the fan   
chance:  i have 2 questions
xena:  he said - no one else does it cost  
xena:  three hundred dollars for a new fan and an electrican to come out after they hook up the cable modem   
xena:  i said - look at it this way   
xena:  this year you do not have to buy me diamonds  
xena:  hahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa  
xena:  yes what are your questions  
chance:  what happened to the chair and was he still dressed in his dockers and chains moving everything?
chance:  you guys really need me there i will teach him
xena:  the chair is now back down in the library - the rocking chair is in the living room - because i had moved it on friday from my bedroom and put the old chair in the bedroom   
xena:  and nope he wasnt wearing his dockers today - it is sunday - sunday is jeans and poloshirts day  
xena:  but yes his chain was on but that was after and much discussion on which side of the bagel was toasted. another problem with the toaster - if he TOUCHES it i will burn his ass nevermind the toast.
chance:  haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa thank you for the laughs.
the end.